Through glassy eyes, and lots of back space on the keyboard and a few months later it has felt like the right time to talk about losing Travis.
For anyone that has followed my blogs, they will know that for over a year we struggled with on and off colic and dangerous behaviour which after many Rossdale visits was finally diagnosed as Colitis. We thought we had reached a breakthrough and we had found a medication that bought him comfort and it really felt like I had my best friend back. I think I allowed myself to get too optimistic as I was back on board and riding my horse like the last year hadn't happened.
The vets had warned me that this medication was not for long term use, and we still needed to see if it had treated his flare ups or was masking his condition. Sadly after the best six weeks back in the saddle, as we weaned the medication down he deteriorated quickly and became colicy again, and I knew in my heart after over a year of doing my absolute best, but knowing he hadn't been totally comfortable, I felt like it was time to stop being selfish and we called the vet out. By the time the vet reached me Travis was actually down in the field and wouldn't get back up. It was the saddest moment to deal with, as I hand on my heart knew he was telling me it was his time, and he couldn't go on anymore. Did it make that moment any easier - no. Was I ready - no. Do I miss him any less – no, but I have been able to take a morsal of comfort from knowing he is now running pain free.
I still haven't been able to face a stable tidy, his name plaque is still up and his tack is still in the tack room, like I could go for a ride any minute, It makes me feel like he is still close, although the view from the kitchen window will never be the same again.
For anyone horsey, or anyone who owns animals, and for someone who has been around horses their whole life, sadly loss is a part of the journey, and yet it never gets any easier when they are such a big part of our lives. Luckily for me I managed to get a photo of my final ride, and the smile on my face says everything about our partnership and friendship that I will treasure in my heart forever.